That's not fiction, that is porn
by Moltie
Summary: Hermione is getting updates from the Muggle world. Mostly about fanfiction. Mostly about Harry and Draco.


Hermione had just started her breakfast when Draco, Harry and Ron fell down on the seats on the other side of the table, looking exhausted, muddy and wet. Hermione raised an eyebrow.

"What have you guys been doing? No, wait, don't tell me. I don't think I wanna know."

"Really funny Hermione." Ron sighed and reached for the bread. "God, I'm starving."

"We've been at quidditch practice." Harry explained as Ron started to eat. "Draco's got some problems with the diving part in the snitch chase."

"Not anymore!" Draco looked pleased with himself. "I might just end up being the best seeker in years. You better watch yourself, Potter."

Harry laughed and Hermione drank some tea when they heard the sound of owls sweeping in over the tables.

"Oh, oh, mail is here!" Hermione got up from her seat, almost jumping with delight. "I hope they brought this week's updates."

"Updates on what?" Ron mumbled, mouth full of bread, butter and tea. Hermione didn't answer, but instead she just waited until one of the owls dropped a brown parcel on her plate, and she made a giggling sound.

"Finally, I've been waiting for this since last Friday. It's so much fun."

"But what is it?" Now Draco looked curious as well. He tried to steal the parcel from Hermione's hand, but she held it out of reach for him.

"Just tell us, Hermione." Harry asked. "We're going crazy here. Or, they're going crazy." He said and nodded at Draco and Ron. "And I will go crazy if they'll continue going crazy."

Hermione shook her head, laughing.

"Okay then, you know how that Rowling woman wrote books about us?"

"Well yeah." Ron said, sitting up straight in his seat now when he didn't need to lean over to try and wrestle Hermione and Draco for the parcel. "Everybody knows that. Blimey, Hermione, is that what you're getting updates about? Because if it is, then you're live feed is slow, way slow."

Hermione looked annoyed.

"No, it's not Ronald. I am getting updates about the reactions her novels are getting."

"So, have people realized that it is way exaggerated in the way we're supposed to hate each other?" Draco asked, giving Harry a look. "Because that is just weird. Not that I don't enjoy being the cool, handsome, villain, but seriously, we can hang out."

"Well, yeah… I guess you could say that. Have you guys heard about fanfiction?"

Ron and Draco looked extremely puzzled and shook their heads, Harry seemed to remember something about it but then he ended up shaking his head as well. Hermione look pleased.

"Well I have. It is amazing. It is a work of literature, you might say, where fans to the books Rowling wrote, write their own stories about us and what they think should happen. It is so much fun! I read it every week."

"You read about yourself, every week?" Ron asked. "Hermione, that sounds a bit narcissistic."

"Well, I don't just read about myself…" Hermione said, turning red. "That would be way too weird. I read about lots of people. Like… you guys and… other things and… You know."

"They're writing about us?" Harry asked and looked interested. "What is it about?"

"Well… eh… Mostly, when it comes to you Harry people seems to like to write… Maybe I shouldn't…"

"What is it?" Draco wanted to know. "Do people write awkward things about scarhead? Because I want to hear about that! Would be a nice change from reading the Rowling work, if you know what I mean." He smirked, and Ron laughed. Hermione got even redder, even though it also looked like she was having difficulties not laughing.

"Well, Draco, in stories about Harry… You're often in them. And…"

"I want to see this now!" Harry demanded and before Hermione could realize what happened he had stolen the papers from her hand as quick as he usually catches the snitch. He flipped the pages over, seemed to find something about himself and started to read. Hermione watched him carefully, as did Draco. Ron had continued stuffing himself with breakfast and seemed to be too busy to care about what was written. Harry's face soon turned into a deep, red color and he looked up.

"What is this?"

"It's fan fiction, Harry. I told you." Hermione said quietly. "This is the work of…"

"But I'm… Draco… what!"

Draco took the page from Harry's hand and started to read as well. It didn't take him long to be almost as red as the Gryffindor house crest.

"Are you serious?" he spitted out after a few sentences. "Hermione, this isn't literature, this is… this is… this is porn!"

Ron suddenly became interested again.

"Wait, is it… Oh my god." His eyes lit up when he saw the pages Draco and Harry was reading. "Oh god, you're making out!"

"No we're…"

"Oh god, not just making out. You're… Oh my god, Hermione, this is the best thing ever, why didn't you tell me about this?" Ron asked, now bursting out with laughter, tears in his eyes. Draco and Harry looked at him, furious.

"Ron, I will not have you read this about us." Harry said. "You're supposed to be my best mate, you should…"

"I am your best mate." Ron said, still laughing. "And this is bloody brilliant, people actually like the idea of the two of you snogging? Hilarious, best thing I've heard ever."

"Isn't it amazing?" Hermione said, eyes sparkling. "People write a lot of things and it's so much fun to read."

"I can't believe you read this." Draco said, even paler than he used to be and looked like he wanted to disappear. "I would never…"

"What, you don't find me attractive?" Harry asked, glaring at Draco. "I am amazing, you don't think I'm good enough for you? Look at my biceps!"

"Oh god, don't you start." Draco said and Harry started laughing. Hermione took back the papers from Ron and hid them well under her cloak.

"I, myself, could see you two going out together." She said, looking at Harry and Draco. "You are so cute together."

"Hermione, sometimes the killing curse is okay to use, isn't it?" Harry asked and looked at his friend that now got up from the table.

"Nope, still illegal." Hermione said, pleased with herself. "Well, I'll just leave you two love birds by yourself. Don't stay too long, Ron!"

"I won't." Ron said, finishing his breakfast. "Obviously, you two need some alone time, maybe get inspired by the fic…"

He didn't have time to say more before Harry and Draco both got up from their chairs and soon they were chasing the red head around the tables in the Great Hall.

"No running!" McGonagall yelled after them, but Draco and Harry didn't listen to her. They were too busy chasing Ron, who was roaring with laughter as he ran as fast as he could to get away from them.


End file.
